Painting : Zan Newstrom
"A Power Greater Than Ourselves"
Stumbing Block - Or Salvation ?
Previous in series : Codependency, Grail Kings and Queens - and Me.
Stumbling Block : "A challenge or hindrance that prevents something from being accomplished ; something that prevents or obstructs progress."
Some people who meet Twelve Step programs have trouble with the notion of "a power greater than ourselves" - a core principle in these programs. Some are wary, even opposed or hostile to the concept due to past experience in a church or religion ; others may belong to such groups, or trust only science (as they understand science), and feel the concept too vague, a source of self-invented notions, and thus unreliable.
It can also happen that for these reasons they walk away from real help. I want to suggest a fresh look at the term, working from phenomena (hopefully) recognizable to your own experiences of life : basic aspects of our human makeup and circumstances - plus some questions you can answer for yourself.
Three Worlds and Three Human Faculties
As human beings we live, essentially, in three worlds : an outer, external, physical world, including our own body ; an inner, internal world of our own thoughts and feelings ; and a social world - our relationships with other people. These worlds have a certain reality to us as we experience them - but also have a greater totality, effectively independent of us, both below and also beyond our field of awareness. Simply put, there are things that exist that are perfectly true and real, that we're not yet aware of.
To work with our experiences in the three worlds mentioned we have available to us our human ability to think, to form mental pictures and concepts ; our feelings, which inform us of our response to experiences - our internal, immediate sense and reactions to how they affect us, some visceral, some more delicate and refined ; and our will : our capacity for directed and intentional action. Our skill and effectiveness with these "tools" will depend on our age, past experiences and ability to reflect on the experiences we have. Our choices may be more or less appropriate to the greater reality we live in. The relationship between our own reality and this greater one, the appropriateness for better or worse of our responses, lie on a continuum of learning. There are no guarantees for our skill or success with these resources available to us - but also no fixed limits on them.
The "Wild Cards" of Human Life
As human beings, certain experiences also impinge on our lives, that are significantly not within our control.
Every human being faces death eventually, meets illness and infirmity and faces evil, in the sense of actions and mindsets at odds with the greater reality we live in, and which disturb, disrupt or cause harm in it. These forces approach us in each of the worlds we live in : in the outer, external and physical world, in our inner world of thoughts and feelings and our social world, through the actions and attitudes of others around us. These three worlds also abound in forces helpful to us - but the factors of evil, illness and death face us with most varied risks. Free but yet not yet fully aware of this, gifted tools we've not yet mastered, resources we may not yet recognize or think to use, we face challenges that neither clearly announce themselves, nor ever really relent.
Addiction
To make progress against these "odds of life" is a genuine achievement, and absolutely necessary. But there are also "worst case scenarios", and these do in fact happen. We can become paralyzed, blunder into error on error, reject help ; or run as if hypnotized to things and people worst for us. Calm observation suggests these inclinations are increasing, rather than decreasing for many people today. Tangled in cognitive distortions and self-defeating beliefs, we may fall into a downward spiral, with no real lower limit - with addiction as a prime example of this.
Addictions take many forms. Substance addictions are the most obvious, but there are more : "process addictions" such as gambling, debting and spending, sex and love addiction ; and below the surface of all, people and codependency issues : futile dependency on the actions and attitudes others for our sense of self worth, and a compulsive drive to control these uncontrollable things. These traits may not, and may never apply to you - but if you've struggled with repetitive, progressive symptoms of addiction in any of these forms, you may want to consider the following.
Three Sources of Help - And a Stumbling Block
It's been said that there are only three possible sources of help for any problem ; namely
- Our own best efforts
- The help of competent other persons who are willing - and also available - to give it ; and as Twelve Step programs assert
- The help of "a power greater than ourselves", as we understand that power.
As it happens, many people today are averse and in a sense "allergic" to the notion of "a power greater". But it also happens that, having tried everything we know to try on our own, and reached out to everyone we trust or think could help, we realize we're at a dead end. This can be a deadly serious matter. What do we do ?
The following is not meant to persuade or antagonize, but as a thought process to explore.
A Path of Open Questions
To address the for some troubling notion of "higher power" may be hard - but addiction can also be life threatening. What can we do if, despite our every effort, we can't stop doing things, or escape mindsets harmful to us or others - and it's slipping out of control ? The urgency of the situation requires real honesty on our part :
Have we tried everything we can, that could help ?
- Is our situation getting better - or is it getting worse ?
What are the likely consequences of what we're doing and how we're thinking ?
Are there thoughts, feelings, things that we do that we're not admitting - that we're hiding from ourselves ?
To answer these questions is a start - and for ourselves and others in our lives, perhaps the critical one.
The Question of "A Power Greater Than Ourselves"
And in THIS case one greater than OUR self. Can we let the questions continue, and find their own sequence ?
- Honestly speaking, do I know of any other sources of help I believe can help me ?
- Could there possibly be ANY source of help - including ones I'm not aware of yet ?
- If there WERE any other source of help not yet known to me, would I be open to it - would I accept it ?
Here may be a second turning point : an honest, humbling acknowledgement : I have a problem that could harm me or others irrevocably, and based on evidence I myself admit, I'm completely unable to solve. And I These admissions - and a willingness to try any measure that could help - can bring something entirely new and different into the life of an addicted person.
From this point the Twelve Steps are a process of identifying life threatening problems in exact detail, submitting them only to the universe of possible help and solutions, existing thus far beyond our knowledge ; and becoming increasingly open to what may come.
With more healthy and accurate self knowledge come insights - in our shaky and dangerous circumstances, even life saving ones. Paths, if perhaps straight and narrow, also open towards healing, even from old and painful wounds. Openness to "a power greater than ourselves" in this sense does not mean a lapse in personal responsibility in any of the worlds we live, nor of cognitive engagement with life - but rather sharpens and refines these things. Such a path, walked with others similarly striving, restores the chance to unfold a meaningful destiny in life, in full personal freedom.
Forward "With Trembling Knees"
The depths to which we can fall as human beings, individually and collectively, are profound. In each of our three worlds - inner, outer, social - it's possible to dangerously neglect that realm of life, or overengage onesidedly. The same extremes of "ignoring" and "preoccupation" can unfold in our relationship to time - to our past, our present and our future ; and through our susceptibility to any number of cognitive distortions and self-defeating beliefs.
We do our best with what we have and what we know. We build, achieve, are self responsible to the best of our ability. We engage and participate with others, offer and receive help. We should certainly never stop in either of these efforts - yet experience teaches that at times neither is sufficient to "problems at hand". If you think to disagree, consider your life, and ask yourself just a few simple questions. Are there points beyond which your own best efforts and the help of trusted others simply haven't "worked" - and beyond which they couldn't seem to get ? Do you know others who, despite best efforts and goodwill, experienced the same ?
There are levels of weakness and vulnerability built into us as human beings that we don't usually look at - and may not want to. But they're there - layer upon layer of them. At this point we might ask, is it possible that there are other sources of help - insights, comfort or things that could happen that are just beyond our reach, grasp or understanding so far ? Possibilities we know nothing about, that are there, but we don't know about ? Then the question is, being helpless, powerless and vulnerable, are we able to look at our situation honestly, and formulate descriptions of it, and present to that unknown sources or set of resources, for IT'S input, whatever that might be ?
But if there are sources able and willing to help us, and who might be able to see our situation better than we do, who are we really, to not be open to them ?
The terms "God" and "Higher Power" imply a being - a notion new and strange to many today. They also imply an element of trust - a prospect anxiety provoking for many, and for some in the extreme. The scientific mindset of our times, helpful and legitimate in so many ways, offers nothing to prepare us for this. Religious people, too, can fall into humiliating mistakes, habits and compulsions - and reach the same brick wall of doubt and despair. Is trust in a higher power or being safe ? Is it justified ? Again, some very basic questions assert themselves :
- Concerning God or a Higher Power as a "being" : are we ourselves, with our life of thoughts, feelings, memories, our capacity for constantly new experiences and for action not "beings" ? Although no one typically tells or teaches us to see ourselves this way, this is in fact how we experience ourselves. To truly look at and "own" our thoughts, feelings, actions - an act of self responsibility - is also one of courage, at times difficult and painful.
Three Prayers Commonly Used in Twelve Step Programs
Serenity Prayer
"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference
Not my will but Your will be done."
Third Step Prayer
"Higher Power, I offer myself to you
to build with me and to do with
me as you will.
Relieve me of the bondage of self
that I may better do your will ;
take away my difficulties, that
victory over them may bear witness
to those you would help, of
your power, your love, and
Your way of life ; may
I do your will always."
Twelve Step Unity Prayer
"I put my hand in yours
and together we can do
what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness ;
no longer must we each depend
on our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now,
reaching out our hands
for a power and strength greater than ours ;
and as we join hands
we find love and understanding
beyond our wildest dreams."
Resources gathered by : Jeff Smith RN (Retired)
Next in Living Waters Wellness series : Reincarnation and Karma : A New Perspective
"A Power Greater Than Ourselves"
Stumbing Block - Or Salvation ?
Previous in series : Codependency, Grail Kings and Queens - and Me.
Stumbling Block : "A challenge or hindrance that prevents something from being accomplished ; something that prevents or obstructs progress."
Some people who meet Twelve Step programs have trouble with the notion of "a power greater than ourselves" - a core principle in these programs. Some are wary, even opposed or hostile to the concept due to past experience in a church or religion ; others may belong to such groups, or trust only science (as they understand science), and feel the concept too vague, a source of self-invented notions, and thus unreliable.
It can also happen that for these reasons they walk away from real help. I want to suggest a fresh look at the term, working from phenomena (hopefully) recognizable to your own experiences of life : basic aspects of our human makeup and circumstances - plus some questions you can answer for yourself.
Three Worlds and Three Human Faculties
As human beings we live, essentially, in three worlds : an outer, external, physical world, including our own body ; an inner, internal world of our own thoughts and feelings ; and a social world - our relationships with other people. These worlds have a certain reality to us as we experience them - but also have a greater totality, effectively independent of us, both below and also beyond our field of awareness. Simply put, there are things that exist that are perfectly true and real, that we're not yet aware of.
To work with our experiences in the three worlds mentioned we have available to us our human ability to think, to form mental pictures and concepts ; our feelings, which inform us of our response to experiences - our internal, immediate sense and reactions to how they affect us, some visceral, some more delicate and refined ; and our will : our capacity for directed and intentional action. Our skill and effectiveness with these "tools" will depend on our age, past experiences and ability to reflect on the experiences we have. Our choices may be more or less appropriate to the greater reality we live in. The relationship between our own reality and this greater one, the appropriateness for better or worse of our responses, lie on a continuum of learning. There are no guarantees for our skill or success with these resources available to us - but also no fixed limits on them.
The "Wild Cards" of Human Life
As human beings, certain experiences also impinge on our lives, that are significantly not within our control.
Every human being faces death eventually, meets illness and infirmity and faces evil, in the sense of actions and mindsets at odds with the greater reality we live in, and which disturb, disrupt or cause harm in it. These forces approach us in each of the worlds we live in : in the outer, external and physical world, in our inner world of thoughts and feelings and our social world, through the actions and attitudes of others around us. These three worlds also abound in forces helpful to us - but the factors of evil, illness and death face us with most varied risks. Free but yet not yet fully aware of this, gifted tools we've not yet mastered, resources we may not yet recognize or think to use, we face challenges that neither clearly announce themselves, nor ever really relent.
Addiction
To make progress against these "odds of life" is a genuine achievement, and absolutely necessary. But there are also "worst case scenarios", and these do in fact happen. We can become paralyzed, blunder into error on error, reject help ; or run as if hypnotized to things and people worst for us. Calm observation suggests these inclinations are increasing, rather than decreasing for many people today. Tangled in cognitive distortions and self-defeating beliefs, we may fall into a downward spiral, with no real lower limit - with addiction as a prime example of this.
Addictions take many forms. Substance addictions are the most obvious, but there are more : "process addictions" such as gambling, debting and spending, sex and love addiction ; and below the surface of all, people and codependency issues : futile dependency on the actions and attitudes others for our sense of self worth, and a compulsive drive to control these uncontrollable things. These traits may not, and may never apply to you - but if you've struggled with repetitive, progressive symptoms of addiction in any of these forms, you may want to consider the following.
Three Sources of Help - And a Stumbling Block
It's been said that there are only three possible sources of help for any problem ; namely
- Our own best efforts
- The help of competent other persons who are willing - and also available - to give it ; and as Twelve Step programs assert
- The help of "a power greater than ourselves", as we understand that power.
As it happens, many people today are averse and in a sense "allergic" to the notion of "a power greater". But it also happens that, having tried everything we know to try on our own, and reached out to everyone we trust or think could help, we realize we're at a dead end. This can be a deadly serious matter. What do we do ?
The following is not meant to persuade or antagonize, but as a thought process to explore.
A Path of Open Questions
To address the for some troubling notion of "higher power" may be hard - but addiction can also be life threatening. What can we do if, despite our every effort, we can't stop doing things, or escape mindsets harmful to us or others - and it's slipping out of control ? The urgency of the situation requires real honesty on our part :
Have we tried everything we can, that could help ?
- Is our situation getting better - or is it getting worse ?
What are the likely consequences of what we're doing and how we're thinking ?
Are there thoughts, feelings, things that we do that we're not admitting - that we're hiding from ourselves ?
To answer these questions is a start - and for ourselves and others in our lives, perhaps the critical one.
The Question of "A Power Greater Than Ourselves"
And in THIS case one greater than OUR self. Can we let the questions continue, and find their own sequence ?
- Honestly speaking, do I know of any other sources of help I believe can help me ?
- Could there possibly be ANY source of help - including ones I'm not aware of yet ?
- If there WERE any other source of help not yet known to me, would I be open to it - would I accept it ?
Here may be a second turning point : an honest, humbling acknowledgement : I have a problem that could harm me or others irrevocably, and based on evidence I myself admit, I'm completely unable to solve. And I These admissions - and a willingness to try any measure that could help - can bring something entirely new and different into the life of an addicted person.
From this point the Twelve Steps are a process of identifying life threatening problems in exact detail, submitting them only to the universe of possible help and solutions, existing thus far beyond our knowledge ; and becoming increasingly open to what may come.
With more healthy and accurate self knowledge come insights - in our shaky and dangerous circumstances, even life saving ones. Paths, if perhaps straight and narrow, also open towards healing, even from old and painful wounds. Openness to "a power greater than ourselves" in this sense does not mean a lapse in personal responsibility in any of the worlds we live, nor of cognitive engagement with life - but rather sharpens and refines these things. Such a path, walked with others similarly striving, restores the chance to unfold a meaningful destiny in life, in full personal freedom.
Forward "With Trembling Knees"
The depths to which we can fall as human beings, individually and collectively, are profound. In each of our three worlds - inner, outer, social - it's possible to dangerously neglect that realm of life, or overengage onesidedly. The same extremes of "ignoring" and "preoccupation" can unfold in our relationship to time - to our past, our present and our future ; and through our susceptibility to any number of cognitive distortions and self-defeating beliefs.
We do our best with what we have and what we know. We build, achieve, are self responsible to the best of our ability. We engage and participate with others, offer and receive help. We should certainly never stop in either of these efforts - yet experience teaches that at times neither is sufficient to "problems at hand". If you think to disagree, consider your life, and ask yourself just a few simple questions. Are there points beyond which your own best efforts and the help of trusted others simply haven't "worked" - and beyond which they couldn't seem to get ? Do you know others who, despite best efforts and goodwill, experienced the same ?
There are levels of weakness and vulnerability built into us as human beings that we don't usually look at - and may not want to. But they're there - layer upon layer of them. At this point we might ask, is it possible that there are other sources of help - insights, comfort or things that could happen that are just beyond our reach, grasp or understanding so far ? Possibilities we know nothing about, that are there, but we don't know about ? Then the question is, being helpless, powerless and vulnerable, are we able to look at our situation honestly, and formulate descriptions of it, and present to that unknown sources or set of resources, for IT'S input, whatever that might be ?
But if there are sources able and willing to help us, and who might be able to see our situation better than we do, who are we really, to not be open to them ?
The terms "God" and "Higher Power" imply a being - a notion new and strange to many today. They also imply an element of trust - a prospect anxiety provoking for many, and for some in the extreme. The scientific mindset of our times, helpful and legitimate in so many ways, offers nothing to prepare us for this. Religious people, too, can fall into humiliating mistakes, habits and compulsions - and reach the same brick wall of doubt and despair. Is trust in a higher power or being safe ? Is it justified ? Again, some very basic questions assert themselves :
- Concerning God or a Higher Power as a "being" : are we ourselves, with our life of thoughts, feelings, memories, our capacity for constantly new experiences and for action not "beings" ? Although no one typically tells or teaches us to see ourselves this way, this is in fact how we experience ourselves. To truly look at and "own" our thoughts, feelings, actions - an act of self responsibility - is also one of courage, at times difficult and painful.
Three Prayers Commonly Used in Twelve Step Programs
Serenity Prayer
"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference
Not my will but Your will be done."
Third Step Prayer
"Higher Power, I offer myself to you
to build with me and to do with
me as you will.
Relieve me of the bondage of self
that I may better do your will ;
take away my difficulties, that
victory over them may bear witness
to those you would help, of
your power, your love, and
Your way of life ; may
I do your will always."
Twelve Step Unity Prayer
"I put my hand in yours
and together we can do
what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness ;
no longer must we each depend
on our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now,
reaching out our hands
for a power and strength greater than ours ;
and as we join hands
we find love and understanding
beyond our wildest dreams."
Resources gathered by : Jeff Smith RN (Retired)
Next in Living Waters Wellness series : Reincarnation and Karma : A New Perspective