Stop, Breathe, Think !
Putting the brakes on impulsive behaviors
We all have a “moment” at times, when something pushes our buttons, or puts us in a mood that’s hard to shake. Along with intense thoughts and feelings, we may also have urges to do things we might later regret. For some of us these moments are especially intense, or we’re especially vulnerable to them. The trick is to find a way through them that we can feel good about, and which doesn’t harm our relationships, safety or life situation.
Stop, Breathe and Think is a coping skill taught in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It’s a way to catch yourself when you’re having emotions, thoughts or impulses to act that are hard to deal with, so that you make good choices, wise choices, rather than impulsive or destructive ones.
Stop, Breathe and Think can help keep you from turning ordinary painful experiences of life into longer term consequences and suffering.
Stop
to keep a bad situation from getting worse
When our buttons are pushed, we sometimes fall into a reactive mode. We may have no idea why, but suddenly we find ourselves in the middle of :
- Very strong emotions
- Very strong judgments
- Strong or anxiety provoking feelings in our bodies
- Impulses to do or say something extreme
If we act impulsively on these things, consequences and secondary problems can build up fast. We may end up dealing with these for a long time – much longer than the emotion or what caused it.
When your buttons are pushed in this way, find a way to Stop :
- Step back from the situation before you do yourself or someone else harm
- Excuse yourself in a gracious way if you can
- Find a place where you can be alone and “out of traffic” for a short time
- if you need to, and can do so without causing further problems, just turn and walk away
- If you can’t get away, turn your attention away from the trigger inwardly as best you can
All of these work best if you rehearse or plan for them in advance !
Breathe
to find calm amidst strong emotions
Think how important breathing is. When you breathe in, you take in the oxygen you need for life. It travels in your blood, carries life all through your body.
Breathing out is important too, as you release air that’s used up. If we only breathed in, we’d almost immediately be too full. This happens in an extreme way in asthma, where we can’t get new air in because we can’t get the old air out.
Something like this can also happen when we get too full of thoughts and experiences. We fill up with emotions - anger, sadness, anxiety and fear, whatever emotion it may be. Breathing out is the gesture of rest, of relaxing. If we can’t breathe our experiences out, bad things can happen, like impulsive behaviors or getting physically sick.
Here’s the exercise for Breathe :
- Find a posture that allows you easy inflow and outflow of breath
- Breathe in ..... and breathe out. Do this as gently or strongly, as deeply or shallowly, as slowly or quickly as feels comfortable.
- Focus only on your breathing – give it your complete attention.
- You may notice thoughts or feelings arising, bodily sensations, impulses to do something. Observe these things without judging them or yourself. Just see them, notice them ..... and let them go.
- Put your full attention into your breathing, and let it focus there.
Observe your breathing for two to five minutes, returning your attention to it any time it wanders.
Think
about your situation, and make the best choice possible
Emotions serve us in many ways - but as you’ve seen, can also dominate us, and drive us to actions we regret. Thinking, for its part, lets us be logical, and keep our lives orderly, but thinking too can become trapped in extremes - in harsh or hasty judgments about ourselves or others, or about the situation we're in. This can also lead to words or actions that cause hurt or harm.
The Think portion of Stop, Breathe and Think builds a bridge between "emotional mind" and "rational mind", and includes the best of both. In DBT this state is called Wise Mind, and it exists in everyone. It's the place where our best human intelligence wakes up, where our common sense comes into play, and we're able to make good choices and decisions.
Here's a process to support the Think step of Stop, Breathe and Think :
Look at the situation you’re in, which triggered your strong thoughts, feelings or impulses to act. Ask yourself these simple questions :
- What’s going on in me (thoughts, feelings, body sensations, urges to act) ?
- What’s going on in the external situation, as best I can tell ?
- What might happen if I act in an extreme or impulsive way ?
Listen to the answers that come up, write them down
Complete Think with these questions :
- What’s this situation about, as far as I can tell ? (how do I understand it ?)
- How can I best deal with my feelings right now ?
- What do I need to do, right now ? (sometimes you may not need to do anything)
Keep things as simple as you can, and write the answers down if you need to. Carry out any “next steps” that you identify. Ask for help if you can't deal with something on your own. Use Stop, Breathe and Think as often as you need to.
Stop, Breathe, Think !
Fine points
For best effect, practice Stop, Breathe and Think before there’s any crisis - be proactive. This coping skill works best if you work on three things, even when you're doing just fine right now :
1) Think about things that most often trigger difficulties for you. Write down your trigger situations for yourself. If you notice more later, add to your list
2) Get to know your own “red flags” – the warning signs that you’re starting to have a hard time. You can know these by looking back to past situations that didn’t work out well. Recall what kinds of thoughts, feelings, body sensations and urges to act came up in you at those times. Get to know these things very precisely. The better you know your pattern, the better you’ll be able to recognize it when it happens again. And the sooner you’ll be able to use Stop,Think, Breathe when you need to.
3) Think back to consequences and problems that occurred because of past bad choices. Keep a list of those consequences, and add to it if you receive new ones. It is never wise or helpful to beat yourself up. But if you know the consequences, you know the risks of making bad choices. This can be painful, but also a good motivator.
Practice, practice, practice !
Review your triggers, warning signs and the steps of Stop, Breathe and Think - frequently at first, and then again at regular intervals. Think about this - if you're a singer or musician, when do you start to practice ? On the day of your concert ? No - well beforehand. Or if you're a basketball player, when do you work on your skills ? On the day of the game ? No. When you practice and rehearse your coping skill when there's no crisis and things are going well, when a crisis does come, you'll use your coping skills almost automatically.
Be aware that Stop, Breathe and Think has to do only with our part of any situation - we can't control the actions and attitudes of others. We can't guarantee situations will turn out as we wish, but we can at least try to get our part right. Practice improves our chances this will happen.
You will of course make mistakes, but remember - it never helps to beat yourself up. Look back on what happened and see how it happened, so that if a similar situation comes up in the future, you'll do better. Mistakes can make us humble - and what we learn from them can make us wise. Make amends if possible, but beyond that, forgive yourself and move on.
Article by : Jeff Smith RN
Putting the brakes on impulsive behaviors
We all have a “moment” at times, when something pushes our buttons, or puts us in a mood that’s hard to shake. Along with intense thoughts and feelings, we may also have urges to do things we might later regret. For some of us these moments are especially intense, or we’re especially vulnerable to them. The trick is to find a way through them that we can feel good about, and which doesn’t harm our relationships, safety or life situation.
Stop, Breathe and Think is a coping skill taught in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It’s a way to catch yourself when you’re having emotions, thoughts or impulses to act that are hard to deal with, so that you make good choices, wise choices, rather than impulsive or destructive ones.
Stop, Breathe and Think can help keep you from turning ordinary painful experiences of life into longer term consequences and suffering.
Stop
to keep a bad situation from getting worse
When our buttons are pushed, we sometimes fall into a reactive mode. We may have no idea why, but suddenly we find ourselves in the middle of :
- Very strong emotions
- Very strong judgments
- Strong or anxiety provoking feelings in our bodies
- Impulses to do or say something extreme
If we act impulsively on these things, consequences and secondary problems can build up fast. We may end up dealing with these for a long time – much longer than the emotion or what caused it.
When your buttons are pushed in this way, find a way to Stop :
- Step back from the situation before you do yourself or someone else harm
- Excuse yourself in a gracious way if you can
- Find a place where you can be alone and “out of traffic” for a short time
- if you need to, and can do so without causing further problems, just turn and walk away
- If you can’t get away, turn your attention away from the trigger inwardly as best you can
All of these work best if you rehearse or plan for them in advance !
Breathe
to find calm amidst strong emotions
Think how important breathing is. When you breathe in, you take in the oxygen you need for life. It travels in your blood, carries life all through your body.
Breathing out is important too, as you release air that’s used up. If we only breathed in, we’d almost immediately be too full. This happens in an extreme way in asthma, where we can’t get new air in because we can’t get the old air out.
Something like this can also happen when we get too full of thoughts and experiences. We fill up with emotions - anger, sadness, anxiety and fear, whatever emotion it may be. Breathing out is the gesture of rest, of relaxing. If we can’t breathe our experiences out, bad things can happen, like impulsive behaviors or getting physically sick.
Here’s the exercise for Breathe :
- Find a posture that allows you easy inflow and outflow of breath
- Breathe in ..... and breathe out. Do this as gently or strongly, as deeply or shallowly, as slowly or quickly as feels comfortable.
- Focus only on your breathing – give it your complete attention.
- You may notice thoughts or feelings arising, bodily sensations, impulses to do something. Observe these things without judging them or yourself. Just see them, notice them ..... and let them go.
- Put your full attention into your breathing, and let it focus there.
Observe your breathing for two to five minutes, returning your attention to it any time it wanders.
Think
about your situation, and make the best choice possible
Emotions serve us in many ways - but as you’ve seen, can also dominate us, and drive us to actions we regret. Thinking, for its part, lets us be logical, and keep our lives orderly, but thinking too can become trapped in extremes - in harsh or hasty judgments about ourselves or others, or about the situation we're in. This can also lead to words or actions that cause hurt or harm.
The Think portion of Stop, Breathe and Think builds a bridge between "emotional mind" and "rational mind", and includes the best of both. In DBT this state is called Wise Mind, and it exists in everyone. It's the place where our best human intelligence wakes up, where our common sense comes into play, and we're able to make good choices and decisions.
Here's a process to support the Think step of Stop, Breathe and Think :
Look at the situation you’re in, which triggered your strong thoughts, feelings or impulses to act. Ask yourself these simple questions :
- What’s going on in me (thoughts, feelings, body sensations, urges to act) ?
- What’s going on in the external situation, as best I can tell ?
- What might happen if I act in an extreme or impulsive way ?
Listen to the answers that come up, write them down
Complete Think with these questions :
- What’s this situation about, as far as I can tell ? (how do I understand it ?)
- How can I best deal with my feelings right now ?
- What do I need to do, right now ? (sometimes you may not need to do anything)
Keep things as simple as you can, and write the answers down if you need to. Carry out any “next steps” that you identify. Ask for help if you can't deal with something on your own. Use Stop, Breathe and Think as often as you need to.
Stop, Breathe, Think !
Fine points
For best effect, practice Stop, Breathe and Think before there’s any crisis - be proactive. This coping skill works best if you work on three things, even when you're doing just fine right now :
1) Think about things that most often trigger difficulties for you. Write down your trigger situations for yourself. If you notice more later, add to your list
2) Get to know your own “red flags” – the warning signs that you’re starting to have a hard time. You can know these by looking back to past situations that didn’t work out well. Recall what kinds of thoughts, feelings, body sensations and urges to act came up in you at those times. Get to know these things very precisely. The better you know your pattern, the better you’ll be able to recognize it when it happens again. And the sooner you’ll be able to use Stop,Think, Breathe when you need to.
3) Think back to consequences and problems that occurred because of past bad choices. Keep a list of those consequences, and add to it if you receive new ones. It is never wise or helpful to beat yourself up. But if you know the consequences, you know the risks of making bad choices. This can be painful, but also a good motivator.
Practice, practice, practice !
Review your triggers, warning signs and the steps of Stop, Breathe and Think - frequently at first, and then again at regular intervals. Think about this - if you're a singer or musician, when do you start to practice ? On the day of your concert ? No - well beforehand. Or if you're a basketball player, when do you work on your skills ? On the day of the game ? No. When you practice and rehearse your coping skill when there's no crisis and things are going well, when a crisis does come, you'll use your coping skills almost automatically.
Be aware that Stop, Breathe and Think has to do only with our part of any situation - we can't control the actions and attitudes of others. We can't guarantee situations will turn out as we wish, but we can at least try to get our part right. Practice improves our chances this will happen.
You will of course make mistakes, but remember - it never helps to beat yourself up. Look back on what happened and see how it happened, so that if a similar situation comes up in the future, you'll do better. Mistakes can make us humble - and what we learn from them can make us wise. Make amends if possible, but beyond that, forgive yourself and move on.
Article by : Jeff Smith RN
Share this page
with friends !
with friends !