“I had a realization - it was a painful realization when I had it, but I’m glad I did. I realized that no one could love me now into loving myself – that opportunity went by when my parents were unable to do it for me when I was a child. But I realized that I could be there for myself on a twenty four hour a day basis, if I wanted to “
- Pia Mellody RN
Characteristics of Healthy Relationships
To be truly ready for friendship and relationships, a first important step is to be comfortable and happy with ourselves – accepting and taking responsibility for our own feelings, our own thoughts and actions. How many of these attitudes and behaviors are presents in your relationships ?
- Communication is open and spontaneous
- Rules/boundaries are clear and explicit, but there’s also flexibility
- Listening and empathy are freely available to both parties
- The relationship supports individuality and freedom - personal identity
is enhanced
- Each enjoys doing things for self, as well as for the other
- Relationship includes play, humor and having fun together
- No one tries to “fix“ or control the other person
- We accept both ourselves and the other person for our real selves
- We’re able to assert ourselves, and express our feelings and needs
- We’re able to be humble, and let go of the need to be liked
- We’re self confident, each secure in his or her own worth
“ Only the strong can be well married, since they do not turn to marriage to supply what no other human being can ever get from another – a sure sense of the fortress within himself - Max Lerner
- We face conflict directly, and we solve it
- When we resolve conflicts, our negotiations are fair and democratic
- We’re open to constructive feedback
- We’re trustful of each other
- We’re tolerant, and able to forgive ourselves and each other
- We accept and learn from our mistakes
- We’re willing to take risks and be vulnerable
- We have other meaningful relationships and interests
- We can each enjoy be alone, and privacy is respected
- Change is OK, and we encourage each other in personal growth
and exploration
- There is continuity and consistency in our commitment
- There is a balance in the relationship between giving and receiving
- There’s a balance in our relationship between being close and
being separate
- We accept responsibility for our behaviors and happiness, and do not blame the other
Developing healthy relationships is an important life skill. It’s also based first of all on developing a good relationship with yourself !
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